What is maturity?? Accepting life, moving on and enjoying the moment.

Hi all,

It's been a while since my last post. And there has been a whole lot of change since then. For starters I have a baby now. Yay!! 

I am now very busy with taking care of her but also have time to reflect on life, when she is asleep of course.

Having a baby changes you in ways you never imagine. You put your own insecurities, doubts, fears, lack of confidence aside and do the needful, just for your baby. You risk being ridiculed, judged, made fun of, everything if it is in best interest of your baby. Isn't it a great superpower. I should thank my girl a lot for it. Thanks baby. 😘

But it also makes me think, why didn't I have this confidence when I was doing a job, making a career? Why are we not that important for ourselves that we are ready to be judged only for our best interest? I don't know. I wish I knew. I wish I was like this before so that I could have been very successful career wise too.

Well, ifs and buts will always be there, however I can't change the past that's for sure. I would rather focus on the present and accept the past. I cannot go back to making my then career a succes but what I can do is be the best and the most successful mother that I can be to my baby.

I know to many this seems like a loser's statement because to many only career succes is real success however the reality is that success is subjective. Everyone's capacity is different. Some with high capacity can be excellent in their careers and excellent parents as well. Well kudos to you guys.👍

I believe most of the working parents fall in the middle section where they are okay in their careers and okay in parenting. Kudos to you too. You manage both fields and that's a big thing.

I fall in same middle category, with limited capacity, but without a proper 'career' to say. However much I wish to be successful career wise may be I am not meant to be. That doesn't mean I won't try, but as of now the only thing in front of me is my baby. Why not take this opportunity to be the best mother with my limited capacity. Why regret what didn't happen. Instead why not take a chance at what is there in my hands now. I sure don't want to regret this in future as I am regretting for my career now.

So as I said, I am ready to be judged, ridiculed, made fun of for being just a housewife,(which I may not be as I do plan to have some home businesses in future), not contributing financially, not being financially independent, depending on my husband, whatever. I don't mean to say I am the best but not everyone is meant to be everything. I can do what I can and just enjoy the moment with my baby. I may not enjoy celebrating my 10 yrs in an organization or getting a promotion. But I can sure enjoy telling a story to my toddler in a way that makes her giggle. Singing a lullaby that makes her sleep peacefully. Hugging her, kissing her for the nth time. Teaching her all the things I wish I knew when I was small. Well yeah, I have a productive life, may be not the best but good enough.

Things to remember in life!!!!

Hello,

I wanted to write this post based on what I have learnt till now. I am not the wisest person to write this. I am just in my twenties. But still would like to list down the things I have learnt till now. I know this is not a final list and hope there will be many more lists when I am in my 30's and 40's and so on.

1) Do not share your problems and your negative feelings with the people who are not 'very close' to you. Firstly they are not interested in negative things of your life and secondly, even if they say they are, they will not understand how you feel. You might risk being judged for it.

2) You are your own best friend, counselor, guide, motivational speaker, everything. Try not to go to other people for all these things. You can take help from others no doubt but do not get dependent on them always to make yourself feel good.

3) Just as junk food is bad for your physical health, negative thoughts are bad for your mental health. Avoid negativity of any kind to be mentally healthy.

4) Learn to enjoy your own company. Make a proper dinner for yourself, go out alone for a movie, or in a restaurant. Be your own partner and at times pamper yourself, the way you want your partner to pamper you. Learn to fall in love with yourself.

5) Trust the universe. You do not have to be in control all the time. Let the universe take control and just go with the flow.

6) Relax. All the time. Just relax in any situation, whatsoever.

7) Your capacity is always more than what you think, both physical and mental, on the condition that you do not create negative thoughts of any kind at all. Negative thoughts reduces your capacity considerably.

8) Find something you enjoy in every mundane and uninteresting task. Like for example, if you hate going for grocery shopping, tell yourself that you will treat yourself with your favorite snack when you are done with it, may be a burger or a sandwich or an ice cream. If you hate travelling to work think about all the beautiful sights you get to watch on your way to work, or all your favorite songs you get to listen to, or your favorite book you get to read.

9) Find a reason to enjoy your household chores too. If there is a big pile of work in front of you, try doing them in segments, a little at a time and relax or watch TV in between. And every time one portion of your work is done, pat yourself in the back. Try innovating, like if you have to make dinner, try thinking about how can I make something different or interesting and tastier. Or try new dishes altogether.

10) Get enough sleep. Always.

11) Meditate. I cannot stress benefits of it more than what has already done everywhere. It helps you get in touch with yourself, love yourself, be comfortable with yourself, be more relaxed, see things in the right perspective. When all this is achieved, you are bound to get healthier physically also.

12) Live in the moment. Avoid thinking of past or the future. I know it is impossible to completely avoid it but try minimizing thinking of past and the future and maximize staying in the present and enjoying it.

You are yourself..... But really are you.......????

Hey all,

This post is based on my recent experience. An experience in which my sister helped me realize a very important thing which I never even was aware of.

How many of you are a part of a group where there is someone whose life is so fabulous(or they really show like it is, and I bet you, they are very good at that) that you always wish your life was like that too? I am.

And I admit, I wasn't even aware I was thinking that way, and subconsciously trying to be like them. Basically I am an introvert person. I am most comfortable with not sharing my each and every daily routines with everyone. This too my sister helped me realize.

But UNFORTUNATELY!!!!. Yes I can not stress it anymore. Unfortunately I am a part of a group where not one but two people are so obsessed with sharing each and every detail of their life and trying to show how fabulous their life is. Initially, I was consciously influenced by them and did try to be like them. But I soon realized I am not like that and shied away from much interaction. But lo and behold, I got sucked into it all over again.

I started behaving like them subconsciously I was not even aware of it. And it became so much important for me to be like them, be one of them, being liked and accepted by them. This reminds me of the movie Mean Girls and yes, it doesn't only happen in high school.

And I would just leave my daily routines to chat with them. Somehow, subconsciously my aim in life was to project my life to be just as fabulous as their's.

But there were times when I was less than perfect. Since I have a bit of psychological history, at times I am not in one of my best moods. And my behavior on those times gave them a perfect excuse to tell me, "Dear we love you and care about you, but you are really sick!!!!". Reminds you of the 'Plastics' from Mean Girls? Yes it does.

And unfortunately, again, since my self esteem was based on their approval, it all shattered when they said something like this. I started behaving even more irrationally than I would have normally. I started becoming something I am not, at all.

Its like they were mentally controlling me. They could put me to the top of a mountain with just a 'Wow! It's so awesome!!!' and bury me deep in the ground by saying 'Oh my God, that's nonsense!!!'.

Why did I let me being controlled by such 'Plastics'. Why did I become that way??? Why did I gave all my power to them??? And also, who is to blame? Them, Me, or WhatsApp.???

Anyways, I guess no use blaming anyone for that. All I need to do is some damage control. Best way is to stay away from WhatsApp as much as I can.

Please remember to be yourself. Don't get influenced by the 'Plastics'. Just like the movie, their life is not so good as they project themselves. Most importantly, don't even bother about that, most important is to focus on yourself and yourself alone. It is okay not to be in a good mood. Nothing is wrong with that. Do not let them say it is sick. You have an amazing life yourself and you have got a perfect opportunity each second to make it even better. Do not let anyone take that away from you. You are good just as you are. Do not let anyone tell you anything other than that. And please do not turn into 'cold, hard, plastic' if you know you are not.

Disconnect to Reconnect...

Hey Everyone,

How many of you are spending most of your time in social networking sites???? How many of you are constantly busy with your smartphones and are not aware whatsoever, what is happening in reality... I just want to tell all you guys one thing.... You are not alone.... :P Even I was the same... Before my Transformationnnnn..... :D

But has anyone else noticed that being so much 'Virtually Social' is not helping your self esteem. In fact it is degrading your self esteem more and more. How many of you feel that you have started to crave more and more people's acceptance and appreciation to make yourself feel good?

OK. I am sure I am not the only one who has my hands raised here. :) Why does that happen? And that constantly being a part of someone else's life, why is it making me miserable?

Well I got my answer in the question itself. That's where the problem is. We are so much into someone else's life that we forgot we have a life of our own here too. So one of my friend is having a super fun girls night out with all her girlfriends and posting her pics, why am I here sitting and brooding over why I can't get to do that???? But do I actually need that? I mean I have a perfectly amazing husband here with whom I can have a perfectly awesome night or even day out. Do I really need so many girlfriends? May be she needs it because she feels lonely. And Hello, how many of her 'girlfriends' are actually a good friend huh??? They may be there only to have fun and click selfies to show the world how much fun they are having when in reality, they may be bitching about each other behind their back.

And while I am having fun with my husband, do I need to click a picture of each and every thing we do? Do I need people's approval to prove that I had fun? When in fact I wasn't even having fun because I was busy clicking and posting the pictures ignoring my husband and the time that we were spending together.

So Throw Away Your Smartphones!!!!! OK, don't actually do that. hee hee :D. But I have devised some steps how not to let them affect your life and have a lot of fun, for real.

1) Do not get sucked in, in their fabulousness which is just an illusion.

2) Do not interfere in other people's life. Do not go around texting, so what you did last night, post pics. Come on. Concentrate on your life, please.

3) It is not necessary to always give a feedback to everything they post. It is not necessary that you have to like whatever they post. You are free to dislike. And learn from facebook. It doesn't have a dislike option. Which tells you that when you dislike something you don't have to be vocal about it. There is a perfectly good option to ignore and be silent. Unless you are the kind of person who loves to praise others, well you can. But don't let it affect you in anyway.

4) Love yourself, Love your life. Its just as good as theirs.

5) Do not get carried away with those fabulous pictures they post of themselves. There are many filters in instagram you know. They might not be as half as good - looking as they do in their photos.

6) Do not have any expectations from anyone when you post something. As you are free to like or dislike, everyone else is. And there may be many reasons for them not to like your post or comment. Bad network, no net access, too busy to like or comment, or just plain, 'their choice'. Which doesn't, by the way decide, what you posted was good or bad. Number of likes or comments don't decide anything.

7) It is not your goal in life to be the most popular person on a social networking site. There are many other 'real' goals in life.

8) Do not think about any post once the window is closed.  Unless its a very funny joke which will make you laugh later. :D :D

9) Try and interact more with people in real life than virtually. I assure you it will be a lot more fulfilling.

Network Responsibly. ;)

Transformationnnn....

Hello All,

I am sure after reading this post you might think, is it the same woman who wrote the earlier post. Well I am. But I am Transformedddd..... Is it the right spelling?? :P

I have found the secret of happiness in life. Or I can say refound it?( Is that a word?). What I mean is I am different now. I feel different. I am starting to love myself... And started to have a lot of funnn.....

The secret is known to everyone. It is. Everyone use it in their life. You did, seriously. OK, enough of the 'suspense' and let me reveal it. It is ........... YOUR CHILDHOOD!!!!!!

Just go deep inside and remember,"How were you when you were just a kid?". Did you ever worry about depression, stress, my image, my self esteem. Hell NO!!!! I didn't even know the meaning of all those words. Did You???

Then why do we do it now? Where did we learn it from? We were happy when we were children because we were 'ourselves'. We didn't care of impressing someone, doing something for someone, making others happy, did we?

They say ignorance is bliss. Yes, it is. We weren't even aware we could make others happy with our behavior. But, in fact, that is the truth. We cannot make others happy. We cannot control how others feel, think, about them about, about you. Then why waste so much time in doing all that?????

You might say, 'It is expected from us now to behave in a certain way, back then there were no such expectations.' OK. But why so much pretensions??? Why do we have to be someone we are not???

You can do what you can but why worry about what you cannot do. You can love who you are, why hate what you are not. Everyone is different. Everyone is unique. Everyone is special. Now I know you might say, we have heard that everywhere. Then why don't you apply it.

I am not asking you to be act like a kid, but if you do want to act like an adult, act like you adult. Don't try to be someone else. You are not your mother, your friend, your colleague, your husband, etc. etc. and also they are not you. Enjoy who you are. because you are you. And don't expect them to be something they are not because they are they. ACCEPTANCE, my friend, of yourself, and of others make a looot of difference...

We never tried to change ourselves or others as a kid, why now. Enjoy everyone's uniqueness, enjoy your own uniqueness. My hair is not beautiful, who says??? Who defined beautiful??? Just because someone said straight long and shining hair is beautiful, does not mean it is. I am my own beautiful. My hair is short, frizzy, thin, but I love it. Because its a part of who I am. It is what makes me, me. If I get long luscious hair I wont be me anymore. And I don't want me to be not me.

If I am introvert, I don't like to talk to others much, big deal. Not everyone has to be bubbly, cheerful. And just because I don't talk much doesn't mean I am no fun. I am my own kind of fun. And there are people who love me just as I am and in fact find bubbly people irritating...

Shower love upon you generously. You deserve it!!!! You are awesome!!!!! Take out some time alone to be a kid again. Watch cartoons that you watched as a kid. Eat chocolates, and forget about the calories for once. enjoy all the things which you did as a kid for sometimes. Get in touch with your inner child, again. Love yourself, without the burden of being in charge of everything just for sometime....

Enjoy life, its amazing!!!!! :) :)

My war with my weaknesses...

If you are on a path of spirituality and self improvement you might know that you are constantly at war with your weaknesses. You are trying to make new habits, positive changes and your old habits come up again and again trying to fail you on your path of improvement. I just wanted to share my experience.

Recently I have been on my very best mental state. Have been doing Reiki meditation which has proved to be quite helpful with my rajyoga meditation which I do based on Rajyoga philosophy by the Brahmakumaris where you emerge your original values of knowledge, purity, peace, love,  happiness, bliss, power. All this has proved quite useful to me and to an extent have helped me to combat my old negative habits of comparison, expectation, jealousy, fear. Basically, from my experiences from both this meditation so far, I have understood that Reiki meditation helps the body and the mind and Rajyoga mediation helps the spirit. Just a disclaimer on both this meditation I have not learnt Reiki, just do it listening to guided meditation on youtube. But I do want to learn it and am searching for a good teacher to teach me. Rajyoga meditation I have learnt from the Brahmakumaris centres which are there almost at every place in the world. I like their philosophy and find it more logical than the other philosophies I have heard so far. With due respect to every religious and spiritual organisation. This being my own personal belief.

I have realized that it is possible to overcome all the other vices of lust, greed, anger, jealousy, attachment but the one vice that attacks you like a spy from the enemy, quietly, and that is ego or arrogance. And once you have been attacked by it, it opens up the door to all other vices too. Practicing meditation has made me very positive and I stay happy all the time enjoying everything in life. Which is always good but, it did made me subtly to think that I am superior to others just because I can enjoy each and every moment in my life and others can't. Weird right. Being egoless and humble should be the first thing you should learn when you are into spirituality, but may be because it would be my old habit, which was deep hidden somewhere in my consciousness. When I was able to overcome all the other vices it secretly attacked me somewhere, I didn't even realize. And I started thinking I know everything I have to know and do not need any of my spiritual advisers, guides, or anyone to help me out. My life is perfect being with myself and all the others whose life is not perfect are stupid enough not to know how to live life. Its such an horrible thought which I am realizing now while writing this thought. Especially when I know I was in their place once and still I think that way. Arrogance attacked me big time, and it opened the way to all the other vices to enter. And the worst part is it blinded me so much and worked behind my back that I didn't even realize what was happening.

I started behaving like before again but the difference was this time, instead of feeling guilty I started feeling whatever I was doing is right. I am in no way blaming any meditation practice. I take the blame myself. I lost against arrogance. It played well to defeat me. But the one thing you should never do is give up. If you fall, get up and fight again. The best part is I finally understood what was happening. Who betrayed me. I confused arrogance with pride. Now its clear. I will take some quiet time and reflect upon how to defeat arrogance. And I will do it now and replace it with compassion, understanding, humility. I am ready to fight again and God is with me. I will succeed. Amen..

Back to Nature... Back to Yourself....

A rose from my rose plant photographed by me.

Hello Everyone,

I wish you a very Happy Winter, Merry Christmas...

Christmas is always been very cheerful to me. Holidays, winter, sitting at home eating warm home cooked food and watching Christmas movies all day with family. Unfortunately I am married now and live in another city so can't do so. But even the memories of it makes me cheerful and warm.

In India, especially where I stay, there is nothing much in Christmas except someone dressing up like Santa comes to distribute chocolates. But I would love to visit some place where Christmas is celebrated properly and want to experience it once.

But my today's topic is different from Christmas, or festivals or holidays. Its about being in touch with your true self. Who am I?

Does that question ever come to your mind? Who am I? Am I really someone who is this person who runs behind achievement, success, maintaining relations, etc.? If so, why am I not comfortable or happy doing so? If this is not me, who am I exactly?

Trust me I am not suggesting that achievements in life are not important. But is that life is all about? Look around yourself and not with the same view of achievement and competition. Look around nature. Look at flowers and leaves and plants. They are so beautiful. They do their job of growing and withering and again growing so effortlessly. So why do we have to fill our life with so much effort, pressures, anxieties, etc.

The things which have to be done in your life will happen at their time. Yes we have to do our efforts and work but not with stress and pressure. And at times go into nature, it is really a good way to get in touch with your real inner self and reflect on what we actually want from life and how we have to achieve it. Take out time to do what makes you feel good, gardening, cooking, photography, etc. which helps you enjoy and be at peace. They are as important as the other things in life. Make time for yourself. Just 'Be' at times instead of 'Doing' all the time.